Austin, Kiss Me When I Cry
by HagarenKokoro
Summary: "One night they were underneath the covers together, legs pressed together, with only a pillow between them. Austin leaned forward and kissed Ally. He dug his hands into the bedspread to keep from tumbling ontop of her. He only remembered at the last second to close his eyes." Austin and Ally are young together and realize their feelings. Hugs, first kisses, and sleepovers...oh my!
1. Chapter 1

Austin was thirteen and Ally was eleven. He was proud of his age, and thought of Ally as a little sister that he had to take care of. He walked her to school, he held her hand, he licked the sprinkles off her nose after she ate ice cream. Austin never thought about boys and girls and all their differences.

The only thing he knew was that Ally wore dresses and he wore jeans. She cried all the time and he never cried. Her hands were soft and his hands were rough. That was the way it was supposed to be.

Then things changed.

Ally became popular with the boys at school. Austin noticed it, even though she didn't. One day a boy asked Ally if they could be friends. Austin calmly pushed the boy into the lunch table and said, "I'm her _best_ friend."

Then Austin got taller. Tall enough that he could rest his hand comfortably on top of her head. It made her seem even more like a little sister to him. After all, she was only eleven.

Their parents used to let them have sleepovers at Ally's house. Her parents would make them promise that Austin would sleep on the floor and Ally would stay in the bed. After the parents left, Austin would ignore the rules and climb into the bed. As he grew taller, he would stretch out his legs and take up more and more of the bed. As they grew bigger, the space between them grew smaller.

At night they would stay awake and read stories out loud. Ally's voice was sweet and soothing, and often put him to sleep no matter how interesting the story was. He liked the sound of her voice so much, he asked Ally to teach him how to sing, too. She put a hand on his stomach and his chest and taught him how to breathe correctly, how to sing the notes from the back of his throat. They practiced in her bedroom, late at night, softly and quietly. Their voices grew stronger. Soon, Austin was singing her to sleep, singing in the shower, singing whenever he could. They fell in love with music together.

Austin' voice started to deepen. It cracked occasionally, but he told himself it was because of the singing practice. He didn't notice it happening until Ally played an old recording of his voice and said that he'd become a tenor.

"You can hit the low notes now," she said, excited.

Their voices were different then. When they sang together at night, his tone went deep and hers went high, and her parents started to yell at them for being too loud, since Austin' voice was more resonant and easier to hear.

Ally started to treat him differently. It started with little things. She asked Austin what he thought of her clothes. She tried on different clothes for him, called it a "fashion show." He said he liked ponytails, so that was what she did with her hair.


	2. Chapter 2

Austin and Ally went swimming together and played sports together. Ally's small, thin body stayed the same, but Austin grew muscles. His arms became defined, he was stronger, lean, and tall. Ally said she liked it when he flexed his arms.

They would arm wrestle each other. Austin pretended to struggle, and in the end, he let her win. He let her win every single time.

One day she said, "Austin, I thought you were strong."

Austin clenched her fist and forced it against the table, winning for the first time. "I am strong," he said.

Ally laughed, exhilarated. "Do that again."

He beat her again and again. She liked to touch his muscle when he flexed it. Austin liked the admiring smile on her face, the way she looked at his body like it was something nice, something worthy of attention. She had never looked at him like that before.

One night they were underneath the covers together, legs pressed together, with only a pillow between them. Austin blinked his eyelashes, trying to stay awake. He let out a sleepy sigh.

"Go to sleep, Austin. You don't have to stay awake just for me."

"Okay."

"In the morning, you have to tell me what your dream was, okay?"

"Okay."

He fell asleep.

In the morning, he lied and said he didn't remember his dream. He remembered it perfectly. In his dream, Ally had stroked his hair and chewed on his ear. He'd seen a girl doing that in the park once. Chewing on a boy's ear. When he first saw it, he was curious. But now it was invading his dreams, and that bothered him. He told himself to forget it.

After school, Austin walked into Ally's kitchen. She was at the counter, tears streaming down her face. Her cat had died.

Austin crossed the room and wrapped her in his arms. He held her while she cried. There was such a height difference between them that her head was pressed against his collarbone.

Then her mother, Mrs. Dawson, walked into the room. She saw them hugging.

"Austin, please let go of my daughter," she said.

He let go. "I'm sorry," he said, although he didn't know what he was apoligizing for. Ally tried to step into his arms again, but he gently pushed her away. He didn't want to anger her mother.


	3. Chapter 3

They went upstairs to do homework, and although Mrs. Dawson told them to leave the door open, they closed it. Ally couldn't concentrate on the homework. She kept crying.

Austin did all her homework for her while she leaned on his shoulder. He did backflips off the bed to make her laugh. They sat on the bed and he listened while she talked about her cat and their memories together. When she had started to feel better, they put in a movie about French people and watched it together.

Austin wasn't paying attention to the movie until the end scene, where the little French boy cried, "J'taime!" and kissed the girl in the elevator.

"I can do that," Austin said.

Ally's eyes were dark and wet with tears. She looked scared, uncertain.

"Don't worry," he said. "I won't hurt you."

He looked at the screen one more time to see which direction he was supposed to tilt his head, and then leaned forward and kissed Ally. He dug his hands into the bedspread to keep from tumbling ontop of her. He only remembered at the last second to close his eyes.

On the screen, they heard the couple pull apart and laugh. Austin pulled away, but he didn't laugh. He looked into Ally's eyes and wondered if she would let him do it again.

They did it again, lips pushing and pressing, tilting and leaning to fit into each other. Austin was afraid to stop. He was afraid that if they stopped, he would have to talk and explain himself. He had no idea what he was doing, only that it was new and exciting. Only that she was willing to do it with him, which meant that she was as crazy as he was.

And that was how everything changed.


	4. Chapter 4

The boys at school noticed the difference in Austin right away. They teased him about it – the way he smiled every time someone mentioned Ally's name, the way he smiled _wider_ and blushed when they used the word "girlfriend." Austin seemed happier. He laughed at everyone's jokes, even if they were lame. He whistled when he walked down the hallways, and he sang while he pulled his clothes out of his locker.

All the boys in the locker room wanted to know about Ally.

"Hey, is Ally a good kisser? Does she tilt her head to the right or left? Give us the details!" said the other boys.

Austin didn't answer.

One boy kept talking. "So you like mousy girls, huh? The awkward ones?"

Austin shut his locker. "I think Ally is very, very pretty. And that's all you need to know."

Over the next few weeks, Austin and Ally did everything together. Austin taught her how to skateboard, they rode the ferris wheel together, they tickled each other and played video games in Austin' bedroom. They sang the same songs and chewed the same piece of bubble gum. He gave Ally piggy back rides, carried her like a bride, and rested his head on her shoulder when he was tired. They giggled and stared into each other's eyes and talked about eye colors and secrets. Austin played with her hair constantly. Ally liked to hold his hand when they walked through big crowds. They were together.

Then they broke up.


	5. Chapter 5

It started with a rumor. Mary-Lee, a girl with a major crush on Austin, told the whole school that she'd seen Ally and Jeremy Jones kissing in the closet.

Ally said it wasn't true. Austin believed her. He believed her with all his heart.

Then he found out that Ally and JJ were science partners. JJ came over to her house almost everyday to work on the project. They hugged whenever they saw each other.

Austin still believed that the kiss hadn't happened.

Then Mary-Lee showed him Ally's songbook. On the last page she had written about kissing JJ. The handwriting looked different, and a little messy, but it still looked like Ally's handwriting. And it didn't help that JJ was now bragging to the whole school that he'd kissed Ally.

Austin and Ally wrote one last song together. They sat at the piano and although it was a happy song, Austin played it slowly and sadly. After he hit the final note, he looked at Ally and said, "I'm sorry, I can't do this."

"Please don't," said Ally. Her eyes said she knew what he was thinking.

He closed his eyes and gave her a kiss on the cheek. It was a slow kiss. It was a goodbye kiss.

They didn't get back together again until prom night, years later. The night that Austin decided to lose his virginity and Ally messed everything up.


	6. Chapter 6

FIVE YEARS LATER…

"And the Prom King is…Austin Moon!"

Austin was eighteen-years-old. He was standing in the middle of the dance floor, goofing off with his friends, when he suddenly heard his name. The room erupted in cheers and clapping.

"Did he just say me?" Austin asked. "I'm the what?"

Everyone in the auditorium laughed. His friends pushed him toward the stage, and he stumbled up the stairs, still confused.

It was prom night. Austin looked out over the crowd and saw his classmates all wearing dresses and suits. Austin hadn't bothered to dress up. He was wearing a suit jacket and a tie, but also a pair of jeans and sneakers. His shoelaces were bright orange, his hair was messy, and his necklace thumped against his chest as he walked across the stage.

"Congratulations, Austin. You must be popular with the ladies," said the teacher.

Austin had grown so tall, the teacher had to stand on his toes to put the crown on him. Austin bent down to make it easier, and the teacher plopped the golden crown over his blond hair.

"And Prom Queen is…Ally Dawson!"

Austin' heart stopped. He stopped fiddling with the crown on his head and looked around the room, searching for her.

All the girls in the room wore sophisticated dresses of red, silver, and black. It was as if they were trying hard to be grown-ups, with their fancy updos and jewelry. Then a flash of orange caught his eye, and Austin locked eyes with her.

Ally was wearing a dazzling orange dress. Orange was his favorite color. The dress was fun and not too serious, and her hair was down and played around her shoulders. She walked up the steps and walked right past him as if he didn't exist. Austin' entire body turned to face her. It was as if he was drawn to her, pulled by the hips in her direction. He shook off the feeling and turned away. He didn't know what was wrong with him.

"I've always wanted to be a princess," joked Ally, slipping on the crown.

"No, darling, you're a queen tonight. You're his queen," said the teacher, pointing at Austin. "And according to tradition, you two have the first dance."


	7. Chapter 7

There was a faraway look in Ally's eyes. She gave him a distant look and held out her hand, just like a queen.

Austin took her hand. It had been five years since he'd held her hand, but he knew every groove and curve of her skin. Ally never really _held_ hands – she slipped her hand into his like she was slipping her fingers into a glove. The touch felt close, intimate. Her hand was so tiny and soft and his hand was big. It felt like they were children again, clasping hands as if they were afraid of losing each other.

But I did lose you, thought Austin. So I guess it didn't work.

Austin led Ally through the crowd. There were students all around them, and on impulse, Austin reached out and put his hand on the small of her back. It felt like something a prom king would do for a prom queen. Or that a boyfriend would do for his girlfriend. But Austin wasn't her boyfriend. He was just a boy, and she was just a girl, but something about the touch felt right.

Ally didn't seem to notice, or care, and Austin felt disappointed and stuffed his hands into his pockets. Until it was time to dance, and then he quickly yanked his hands out of his pockets.

"Where do I put my hands?" asked Ally, looking panicked.

In the past five years, they had barely spoken to each other. It had been so long since he'd heard her voice, he hadn't realized how much he'd missed it. "Haven't you done this before?"

"No. I'm the worst at dancing. And everyone is staring at us."

"I'm sure there's someone worse than you," smiled Austin. "Put your hand on my hip – no, wait, I'm supposed to do that. Put your hand on my shoulder, and I'll put my hand…"

He placed his hand on her hip. A thrill went through him, but he pretended that nothing had happened. Austin entwined his fingers with hers, the music started, and they danced.

In the beginning, Ally knocked into him several times, and dug her fingers so hard into his shoulder that he cried out. Austin told her to relax and led her across the dance floor. He spun her, leaned into her, and dipped her with no problem. Ally twirled at the end of his hands, fingers alighting on his shoulders as if anchoring herself to him.

Someone once told Austin that dancing was like making love. He had never understood it, but as he pulled Ally close to his body and pulled away, pulled close and pulled away, he realized that dancing probably had more to do with two bodies coming together than it had to do with music.

They were dancing near the speakers, and the sound drummed in their ears. "I like your dress," murmured Austin.

"What?" she raised her voice. "I'm sorry, I can't hear you. The music is very loud!"

"Ally, you're beautiful and I'm so in love with you I think I might go crazy."

She looked up at him with dark, windblown eyes. There was a moment when Austin thought his heart might pound out of his chest.

"I'm sorry, Austin, I can't hear you!" she yelled, putting a hand to her ear.

He smiled sadly and stepped forward to speak into her ear. "Thanks for the dance. I have to get back to my date."

She gave him a little rosebud smile and looked disappointed to see him go. But she didn't call him back, so he kept walking.


	8. Chapter 8

He was walking away. Ally felt every inch of her body yearning for him to come back, calling for him. Her lips wouldn't work, her feet were frozen inside her heels. Why had she even come? Austin didn't love her. He wasn't even attracted to her; he hadn't said anything about her dress. And he was walking back to Mary-Lee, his prom date, without knowing how Ally really felt about him.

Ally ran in the opposite direction to the DJ's booth. She pulled a disc out of her purse and begged the DJ to play the next song.

"I wrote it myself," she said. "Please play it."

"All right," he groaned. He put the disc in.

Ally walked back to the dance floor. She stood against the wall as her song began to play over the speakers. The beginning of the song was her playing guitar. She'd had to learn how to play guitar herself since Austin had left, but he had always been better than her. She missed the way his fingers looked against the frets, the way he strummed so gracefully. They were meant to make music together. She was good at writing it, and he was good at performing it.

Ally heard her voice singing the words.

"If love was fair, I'd be a millionaire/ But happiness is free/ So I'll give you a piece/ And we'll count these sorrows down/ We'll count them all night long/ On our Happy New Year."

It wasn't New Year's, but Ally liked the idea of starting a new year, of starting all over. Maybe if she and Austin could start all over…maybe he would hear her song and know what she was trying to say.

She looked across the room at Austin. He looked sad and lost. Mary-Lee suddenly grabbed his tie and started licking his ear. His expression lightened a little, but he still looked serious. Then she started tugging him toward the doors.

They were going to slip out to the garden. She could tell, just from Mary-Lee's determined expression. And Austin was considering it. She could read his body easily, the way he peeled off the wall and followed her.

No, Austin, don't do it. Not with her.

Ally wanted to scream. Austin and Mary-Lee slipped out the door, into the outside garden. And he hadn't even heard her song.


	9. Chapter 9

Austin and Mary-Lee went out to the garden. He thought about it calmly for a few moments, and then stopped and set his shoulders back. It was time he stopped acting like a little boy and grew up. Little boys chased after all the girls, desperate for a kiss. But he was a man now, and he knew how a man would handle the situation.

Austin stood up tall. He told her plainly, "I don't love you and I don't want to date you."

He remembered breaking up with Ally at the piano five years ago, and he remembered the way her smile had cracked in half and she'd cried so many, many tears.

But Mary-Lee didn't cry. She looked angry. He was right all along – she didn't like him, she only wanted him for his body. She wanted to date him because she wanted to brag about dating him.

Austin didn't want a woman like that. He wanted a woman who would love him in the quiet moments as well as the loud ones. He wanted a woman who would miss him when he was gone, listen to his songs just to hear his voice, and run into his arms when he came home. Austin wanted a woman who desired his body because it was an extension of him and because she felt comfortable with every inch of him, not because other girls said he was "hot" or because she wanted to "hook-up" like all the other teenagers.

"I bet you're a virgin, aren't you?" said Mary-Lee. "You're just afraid because you have no experience."

"It's called being innocent," said Austin. "You should try it sometime."

"Are you waiting for her, then? That Dawson girl?"

Austin didn't even hesitate. "Yes, I am."

"What makes her better than me?"

Austin waved his hand goodbye and started to walk out of the garden. He said over his shoulder, "Did you see her when she walked in the room? It's so obvious. I mean, it's Ally. C'mon."

Austin walked back inside, feeling lighter and happier. He heard a song playing over the speakers, and stopped to listen.

"And I tell you, I never kissed that boy

No, I never kissed that boy

It's okay that you don't believe me

You've got your own life that you're living

And I'll find

A different boy to kiss me when I cry

Oh, he'll kiss me when I cry."

Austin felt like he'd been struck in the heart. The voice was Ally's. The song was about them, and it sounded as if Ally had given up on him. She was going to find another boy to kiss, and it wasn't going to be him.

Austin pushed through the crowd, calling her name, looking for a flash of that dark, dark hair and that porcelain face he knew so well. Someone stopped him and said that Ally had gone home.

Austin didn't bother calling a cab. He ran all the way to Ally's house.


	10. Chapter 10

Austin was tangled in the tree outside Ally's window. Her light was on, and Austin strained to see through the window.

Ally pulled her hair from its bun. Austin, seeing that she was awake, lifted his hand to knock on the glass.

Then Ally unzipped her dress and pulled it off with one swift movement. Austin almost fell out of the tree. He quickly looked away, inspecting the bracelets on his wrists as if he'd never seen them before. His face felt hot, even though it was cold outside. He counted to twenty before looking back at the window.

Ally was wearing a modest nightie and sitting on the edge of her bed. Austin watched her for several moments, taking in every part of her. If things went well, he could spend the rest of his life looking at her, as much as he wanted, appreciating her beauty. If things went badly, she would never speak to him again and he would spend his nights awake, missing her.

Ally put on a pair of headphones. She listened for a few moments, and then burst into tears. Her small shoulders racked with sobs, and the wisps of hair on the side of her face became wet and plastered to her cheekbones.

Austin didn't knock on the window. He pressed his hand to the glass, flat.

Ally looked up and saw him crouched outside. She didn't seem surprised, or scared. Blinking away tears, she crossed the room and stood in front of him. Austin had so many things he wanted to say, but he didn't move.

Austin was a knight, standing at the foot of the tower. Ally was the princess. The princess didn't let just any man into her tower. The princess only let the bravest, the strongest, and the most honorable man sweep her off her feet. Austin had strength and bravery, but he hoped above all things he had honor. Honor was what had caused him to break up with Mary-Lee. Honor was what made him look away when Ally was changing clothes. He hoped that she would see that in him.

Ally's eyes softened, as if she had seen something in his face that she liked. She pressed her hand to the other side of the glass, against his palm. They were connected, even though they were apart. For the past five years, they had always been connected.

Ally smiled. Austin smiled back, and they kissed through the glass, their mouths pressed to each side. They pulled away, laughing, and then Ally opened the window and let him inside.


End file.
